Birthday 24

Tuesday, November 24, 2020

It's past 12am now.


I just blew my last birthday cake a couple of hours ago.
Mummy and brother sang a birthday song, but all I could feel was sadness in the air.

We're missing you, Papa.


For someone who values the tradition of celebrating our birthdays, I don't know how to feel on our birthdays anymore. You'd always make sure our birthdays are celebrated with a cake every year. So why aren't you home?

I miss you so much Papa.




Losing you has only intensified an underlying characteristic of mine - my quick temper.

Unfortunately, many parties have experienced my wrath and I know I have to change the way I am approaching everything.
I'm starting to hurt people, and I'm afraid.

It comes so naturally, and especially when I feel threatened/upset, like what I felt 1.5 years ago, standing there fighting for your life with the so-called medical professionals who were supposed to save you. 

I'd have done everything in my power to save you, but I wasn't equipped with the necessary medical knowledge. 

I know you wouldn't have liked how I acted out during that time, but I don't regret what I did back then when I had to save you. 


Yet the anger has been carried forward - and has been spreading to personal relationships that I cherish too. This is the only part I regret, and I'm trying.

I promise I will change for the better.
For 2021.







Thank You.

Thursday, October 22, 2020

I'm so grateful and thankful to God.. For He placed the perfect man in my life - at the perfect time. 



These 2 years have been filled with so much up and downs that I have ever experienced in my life, and yet, this man stood by my side for the past years. 

It was you, who held me up when I was breaking apart. It was you, who stood by my side unwavering until I was strong. 

No word can express how grateful I am for his unwavering faith and support.

Thank you, SWCM!

Fight, Fighting

Friday, August 28, 2020

 Here, where the sky's falling

I'm covered in blue
I'm running and I'm crawling
Fighting for you
When the rain stops
Then, darling, what will I do
And I know I go all in
But why do I

 

There's a crack in my window
A bird in my room
Angels all over
That watch over you
When I'm walking on water
All my dreams have come true
Still, nothing means nothing
Without you, you


 

I got out of my comfort zone this year, Papa.
Wish I could tell you that. 💓

I've been dying to take my fitness instructor course for the past 5 years, but I kept it on hold because I was afraid. Afraid I wouldn't be able to make it, and the thought of failing scared me more than anything else.

This year, I signed up without hesitation. 
I jumped at that opportunity, because I no longer want to put off plans or the dreams I've been harbouring. It's time to take action and chase those dreams, like you always wanted us to do.

You keep me fighting, Daddy. 

And I will always keep fighting, no matter how intimidating everything gets, or how hard the going gets. 
It's going to be worth it.

Today, I received my fitness instructor certificate. I passed. 

So happy, but also sad at the same time. If only you were here to celebrate this piece of good news with me.

Blog Archive

Quote of the Day

"I may be a dreamer, but I'm not the only one."

Contact Me

Name

Email *

Message *